Monday, August 6, 2012

Sometimes Life Is Hard

So you may have been wondering where the heck I've been...okay maybe not. I have been debating on what to put in this post, whether or not to even write this post. But let's be honest, I've never been one to keep things in for too long and I have always found the support of my friends and family to be an extreme comfort. 
So, I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage 4 weeks ago. Man o man were we excited to be pregnant, but I guess the timing wasn't right. At first I was sick during the pregnancy and super tired. But then about 8 weeks in I started feeling a lot better and I thought I was just lucky. We went in for the first ultrasound  at 10 weeks and were told the bad news. I had a D and C two days after that. Honestly, there hasn't been a day since then that I haven't cried. Trent has been pretty broken-hearted over it too.  We are both just disappointed and sad, like I said, we were really excited about being pregnant.
The timing of it all wasn't exactly fun either. It was right before finals and it wasn't like I could just stop doing school work. I was about to graduate so I had to finish. I also had to keep working although my work was so amazingly understanding and supportive of everything.
Bottom line, this sucked. But here are some things I've learned:

Heavenly Father will always take care of you, even if you don't understand what is happening.
The Lord's timing is better than your timing.
When you have a miscarriage you go through all the stages of grief.
Women everywhere have had miscarriages and there is a bond between you that offers support. These women will cry with you because the pain is still real 30 years down the road.
Pregnancy changes you. I was in total mommy mode, you don't just snap out of that.
Diet Coke is oh so delicious after almost 3 months.
I would rather be pregnant than drink Diet Coke.

So now the waiting begins. If we could start trying again to be pregnant right now, we would. But my stupid body takes forever to do anything. So we are waiting for things to get back to normal and then we will get back on the, er, horse?

In the meantime, I have a move to Hawaii to plan!


Blake and Laura said...

That sucks! It happened almost the same way with me with my first pregnancy and it broke my heart. I'm so sorry you had to go through that especially during such an already stressful time. If it helps, it only took us one normal cycle to get pregnant with Logan after my miscarriage so hopefully you won't have to wait too long either. You will make such an awesome mommy someday! Good luck on the move to Hawaii! I'm so jealous, btw! I think I'm forever stuck in boring old Mesa lol

Amy McFarlane said...

i love you guys so much! i'm so sorry you had to go through this but i'm glad you were with friends who loved you in idaho and not alone in hawaii. i hope the move goes well and that your body cooperates soon. we'll plan a phone date soon!!! miss you guys!

Jenny Kolb said...

you're so brave. sounds like you're doing everything right. hang in there! it took us two tries before Jackson, it's hard when you want it so bad. you're going to be great parents when it happens...and i know it will!

Rachael said...

I love you! You're going to be a great Mama!

Jules said...

Kenz, I'm so sorry I didn't post on this sooner. I've been away from my computer for so long. I'm so so so sorry. I want to thank you for all the love and support you gave me during my miscarriage (and a ton of other stuff because you're such a great friend). I wish so much I could have been there for you. Know that I love you and keep you in my prayers. And congratulations on Hawaii! I think I read about that on Facebook sometime . . .